Category: Personal

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My Mind’s Eye

I was sitting at a family get-together about fifteen years ago, and I took a good look at my parents across the room. For some reason I really studied them that day, and was a bit of a surprise to me that they had aged so much… that the vision I had in my head was of long ago, when they were younger and more vital.

Both of them passed in hospice some years later. The last time I saw them they were sick, and haggard. But still – in my mind’s eye – they are smiling, laughing and full of life.

I’m beginning to think this happens with your children as well…

Tomorrow, my niece Stephanie gets married… my sister’s daughter. She is the first of this generation of my family to make that leap. My son got engaged last week, so that ball is rolling now.

At the wedding rehearsal last night, I was watching all of the young people… the bride and groom, the groomsmen and bridesmaids… all smiles and excited in what the next days would bring.

Later, at the wonderful rehearsal dinner I realized something else. The father of the groom made a wonderful speech about his son’s choice in a bride, and how proud he was of his choices in life. Later, my brother-in-law did the same… standing in front of us, so emotional. Mostly talking about how proud he is of his little girl.

The happy couple, Stephanie and James, are adults. But to their parents and all of us old fogies, they are still the little kids we watched grow up. In our collective mind’s eye, they will remain that way forever.

Damn… I dread the speeches I will have to make for my sons!

My niece has honored me with a small role in the ceremony tomorrow. I am charged with remembering the people close to them who could not share this happy day. I am very sure that when I say those names, all in attendance will remember them and see them vibrant, and full of life.

In their mind’s eye.

Keeping with this theme, these are photos I’ve taken of Stephanie over the years. She will be so beautiful tomorrow… like she has been her entire life.

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Enough Is Enough

“Somehow this has become routine.” ~ President Obama

OregonI’ve been watching the Oregon school shooting coverage all night, and I’m sick to my stomach. Sick of the NRA, gun lobbyists and everyone supporting them and turning a blind eye. I’m sick of people manipulating the words in the constitution to support their own warped beliefs.

And I’m sick of our government officials – including our President – who lack the common sense, courage, conviction and – let’s just say it – the balls to do what is right. Strap a pair on…

Typically, I don’t take political or ideological stands in a public forum. I’d rather facilitate conversation, listen to the various viewpoints and walk down the middle of the road. But damn…

Enough is enough.

I remember very vividly after the Connecticut school shootings… just hours later. A friend did something I thought was very strange. He posted a photo of the various parts and accessories of an AK-47 assault rifle on Facebook. I should point out that he is a good guy, with children and grandchildren. But I was stunned, not by the agenda but by the insensitivity.

I silently asked… “What was the point you are trying to make? Did I completely miscalculate how much of an asshole you are?” What I should have asked was, “What if it was your child?”

Enough is enough.

If you disagree, feel free to comment below. Skew those numbers and statistics. Defend the indefensible… Have at it. Post those “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” bullshit memes you think are so clever.

And after that, feel free to disconnect with me. I no longer want that negativity. But please say goodbye, so I know exactly the kind of person you really are.

Peace and love…

PS… I wrote this on my phone at 2:00am, after binge watching CNN. Apologies if it is a bit disjointed. But it needed to get out…

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Conversing All-Stars

“Inject a few raisins of conversation into the tasteless dough of existence.” ~ O. Henry

I just spent a weekend talking. Well, not just talking… I listened too! I also smiled and laughed. I asked questions, and answered some. I was communicating, and it was exhilarating.

phonechatThere has been lots of lamenting about the death of conversation caused by the proliferation of mobile technology, social media and other distractions. I’ve certainly beat that drum while observing a table full of people at a restaurant, heads buried in there iPhones. And truthfully, I’ve sometimes been guilty – see last month’s post. I have wondered about future generations lacking the skills necessary for basic communication, and I hope it isn’t too late to save them. I think that smartphone use proliferated quite rapidly, and etiquette simply didn’t have time to adjust. But all things are cyclical, and a rebound is coming. Conversation will be back in a big way… I know it!

This big talking weekend was a couple of days at the beach with longtime friends. My wife and I have tackled adulthood with Mark and his wife, Christine. Together with our group of friends we have celebrated weddings, welcomed our children and seen them grow, graduate and start families of their own. We’ve also mourned death of friends and family members. This is what good friends share. But like many friends, we get together infrequently… and certainly not for chunks of time like this weekend.

The setting was ripe, and distractions were minimal. We spent about nine hours over the two days just sitting on the sand. No one said that we couldn’t look at our phones, we just didn’t that much. We watched a football game on Saturday night, but listened to each other instead of the announcers. Then a movie after, with our running commentary being much funnier than the dialogue in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Danke Schoen, very much…

We touched on some lofty topics, and beat some straight into the ground. We made some serious headway planning our funerals. We discussed the upcoming Papal visit in Philadelphia and the power of Pope Francis’ blessings. (FYI, they go infinitely far out in whatever direction he flings them).

We discussed music, “our” music versus today’s. Their son and recent Drexel grad blinded us with science and migratory patterns of shore birds. We marvelled at the beach restoration project still going on in Sea Isle City, post Hurricane Sandy. We even waxed on politics, trying unsuccessfully to Trump each other. We also discussed the merits of the “everything” bagel (despite the above O. Henry quote), and how to brew the perfect cup of tea… it’s not as easy as you think!

We may have gossipped a little. Yes… it was you we were talking about!

ConverseOn Sunday morning I got up early – as usual – figuring I would go to the living room and read. Christine had the same idea… I found her enjoying a cup of coffee and her open book. We are both reading the new novel by Harper Lee, but neither of us cracked it open. Instead we discussed that story, her first novel, the characters, etc. That led us to grander topics like racism, and the preference of e-readers to actual paper books. It was a hour of great conversation and coffee… we talked about coffee too!!! Good craic, with a fine Irish lassie.

Needless to say, it was fine weekend… one I hope to repeat with these folks and many others. As much as possible. As a wise philosopher once said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” I have many distractions these days, so many balls in the air. More often than not, it’s a good idea to slow down the pace of your world and just talk. And listen. The setting doesn’t matter… just enjoy the company.

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Lost Love – A Survivor’s Story

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

tumblr_nkm8od0w621rvn4sfo1_500I missed you. All this week I wanted to text, or send a photo. I just wanted to have a talk… you weren’t there. It is a terrible void felt… not having your mobile phone.

Yep… it just died. It worked fine all day Saturday and Sunday morning, and then it wouldn’t charge. What the hell!

Someone reminded me that phones are made to die, like a car devaluing when you drive it off the lot. I thought about that comparison… and we do connect some of the same terms to our phones like upgrades, energy conservation, bigger, better, more powerful and efficient!

People always used to wonder what it was about men and their cars. You could always tell a little bit about someone’s personality by the car they drive. Now it’s the type and way they use cell phones that have become part of a person’s identity. I’m an iPhone guy, and have had debates over the years about the pros and cons of the different platforms with Android and/or Blackberry users. Passions run high.

dead_iphoneBut I don’t care about these other people. I was left abandoned… alone for four whole days!! This personal hell contained endless chunks of time that I was detached from the world. Whether it was driving in my car, or walking down the street… minutes and minutes of zero communication! Or those other mad moments when I didn’t have access to information like maps, or game scores, or a clock… what the hell time is it????

What if I needed to take a photo or video? Possible precious moments missed… never to be repeated and shared with a breathlessly waiting world. And business… Everything ceased! It was a nightmare.

I went to a concert on Thursday night and I was unable to easily find my friends. I did, but it wasn’t easy. Elvis Costello played a song during his set, and I had no way to immediately determine which album it was on. I did, much later. And I found my way home without my Waze app.

But I was roughing it!!

Of course, these laments are made tongue firmly in cheek… nothing of consequence was missed. Two customers left me voicemails that were handled the following day. Certainly no one died or was injured. In reality being without a phone was a bit inconvenient, and also a bit liberating.

This geek does have an iPad to pick up some of the slack. But I did find myself absentmindedly reaching for that invisible phone a few times. And once or twice I picked up the dead phone and pushed some buttons… #resurrection?

IMG_3453After four gruesome days I got a nifty, brand spanking new iPhone 6, replacing my rotary-like iPhone 5. How did I survive so long with such outdated technology?  The nightmare was over. I was connected once again after a quick setup, restore from backup, and a new lock screen photo – Stay Classy!

It is delightful, sleek and sexy, just like me… opening that box felt like Christmas Day! And it’s way better than a Galaxy S-whatever, I am completely positive… how dare you say otherwise!

Learned lesson? Understanding suffering helps one appreciate the gifts you have, so I am thankful to those who helped me through this rough patch.

I’m back, world… if you’ll have me.

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Soccer Is Life

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More than any other sport, soccer is life.

When asked to qualify my love for the sport, I immediately go to the usual reasons – the flow of the game, the constant movement, the consistency of the rules, the athleticism of the players, no stoppages or timeouts, only three subs, blah blah blah…

I also lean very heavily on the supporters culture – being there for the team, and each other, no matter what.

The events of past two days in my little corner of the football world enabled me to hone in on the best reason to love the beautiful game. On any given day, any team can beat any other team… regardless of payroll, professional or amateur, or league level.

Two days ago my Philadelphia Union won a U.S. Open Cup match they had no business winning. Down a man for 75% of the match, conceding a late equalizer, each player dead on his feet… they prevailed against a much more powerful opponent. Eleven buses full of Union fans made the trip to Red Bull Arena to witness what may have been the finest moment in the history of this young franchise. I was there!!

481612286My euphoria was short-lived, as the U.S. National Team (the men) were shocked by Jamaica in the semi-final of the Gold Cup last night. Jamaica… a team that ON PAPER had no business winning a game against the mighty United States of America. That may be debatable… but the result left me shocked and bummed, and sent tournament officials into a tizzy trying the figure out how to promote a USA-less final at the big stadium. A lesson learned.

In soccer and in life, you better be prepared and always at the top of your game. These “upsets” happen all year long, in competitions all over the world. This is the beauty of my game. And because I love it so much, the highs are that much higher and the lows are that much lower.

But there is another match against another team who could show us another lesson. Today the American Outlaws are licking their wounds and figuring out the best way to support their team at the next match, in that little stadium by the river. And the Sons of Ben are getting ready to head to DC to support the Union.

Why? Because it’s what we do. Its part of what makes soccer beautiful, and why I love it so.