“A baby has a way of making a man out of his father and a boy out of his grandfather.” ~ Angie Papadakis
So, I’m a grandparent. More specifically, I have a granddaughter.
I’ve spent hundreds of hours talking about Cecilia with anyone who will listen… to anyone within earshot. And I’ve shared thousands of photos and videos of her via text and social media.
Cecilia has graced my world for a little over 18 months, and they have been the happiest of my life.
My friend warned me. He had a two-year head start being grand, so I leaned on this more experienced chap for some insight. I asked him, “What’s the biggest change in your life since you became a grandfather?” His matter-of-fact reply was, “Your Facebook page changes completely.”
I know now he held back some critical information that day, and I am forever grateful. He allowed me to go in cold, to realize the changes in my life – the awe and wonder, the laughter and tears, and the joy she would bring me.
Soon after my son got married, I had this very vivid dream about him. I was sitting in a hospital waiting room surrounded by family, when he bursts in the room and announces, “Mom and baby are fine. It’s a….” The dream abruptly ends without letting me know the most critical plot point. I had the dream again, quite a few times leading up to the due date. So I was ready, phone in hand to video when he came into waiting room and finished the sentence. “… GIRL!”
I’ll admit to shedding a bunch of tears that night. But being a sophisticated man-of-the-world, I was fully prepared to settle back into my life with little change.
I’ve never been so wrong about anything in my life.
I’ve written many times about my parents, and about being a Father. I’ve always seen my Mom and Dad in a very specific light. When I was a kid, my parents were the smartest people in the world. They had all the answers to all the questions.
But both went into parenthood cold. Mom’s parents were in Ireland, and my impression of my Philly Grandmother was that she was a lovely woman. but not the nurturing kind. So my parents were essentially left to their own devices, along with a bunch of advice-sharing between siblings and friends in the same situation.
A few years after I became a Dad, I realized two things: My parents were not the smartest people in the world, but they loved me and my sisters and did the best they could. And I also knew they would always be there for me when I needed them.
Lesson learned, and always remembered.
Mom and Dad’s generation had word-of-mouth parenting help. My generation had the bible – “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” – and the sequels. My wife dove deep and (TBH) I used it as a reference. And while we were very lucky to have both sets of grandparents nearby, they were very smart to let us figure most of it out ourselves.
I was always so surprised at this distance they maintained, but I chalked it up to their joy in just being grandparents. Also, I will never discount my Mom and Dad may have been tired from raising me!
But now that I’m embracing being so so grandiose, I realize that a small part of their happiness was seeing that they did a good job with their kids, giving them the tools they needed to be safe and successful. I look around at my sisters, in-laws, cousins and friends… and other great parents with great kids. And the connected grand folks of that last grand generation have that one grand thing now in common – joy.
What a grand word… Joy!
That joy will be doubled – at least – when grand-kid number two arrives this March. I can’t imagine, and I am planning to install a network server to store all the pics and videos.
We spend as much time as possible with our grand girl. I’ve become a glutton for selfies, my first ever taken the day she was born. I take pics of her fingers and toes, eyes and ears. I get down on the floor to make blanket tents, and kick balls to help her prepare for the illustrious soccer career that awaits. I love to watch her navigate my iPhone to find the YouTube app and Baby Shark, and was delighted watching Elvis Costello on Sesame Street with her last week. When she grabs my finger to take me somewhere, I stop mid-sentence and go – sorry less-important-conversation-I-was-having! I’m infatuated by her jibber-jabber, and I try to stress the word “Pop”.
And I melt with every wave, hug and kiss she offers, and I gleefully receive.
My wife and I continue to scheme, cleverly constructing scenarios to see her as much as possible. “Oh, look… Cecilia left her spoon here last night. She definitely needs that so we should stop over!” Fairly obvious, so I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad are on to us. But they are welcoming and appreciative, because they are good parents. And they smart people.
Before the parents on both sides were officially grand, we asked our kids – the parents-to-be – a lot of questions. We discovered that they had answers, more than we had at our same point of the process. Part of the joy for Cecilia’s grandparents is that her Mom and Dad have been so open discussing their hopes, plans and challenges… something not as easy for previous generations. And we listen, learn, discuss, share and realize that they are as prepared as possible. We do interject and sometimes annoy, but we are proud of the adults they have become.
And that is the integral part of the joy – the small part of being grand.
Below is the video of my dreams – “It’s a Girl!” Enjoy!