Lost Love – A Survivor’s Story

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” ~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

tumblr_nkm8od0w621rvn4sfo1_500I missed you. All this week I wanted to text, or send a photo. I just wanted to have a talk… you weren’t there. It is a terrible void felt… not having your mobile phone.

Yep… it just died. It worked fine all day Saturday and Sunday morning, and then it wouldn’t charge. What the hell!

Someone reminded me that phones are made to die, like a car devaluing when you drive it off the lot. I thought about that comparison… and we do connect some of the same terms to our phones like upgrades, energy conservation, bigger, better, more powerful and efficient!

People always used to wonder what it was about men and their cars. You could always tell a little bit about someone’s personality by the car they drive. Now it’s the type and way they use cell phones that have become part of a person’s identity. I’m an iPhone guy, and have had debates over the years about the pros and cons of the different platforms with Android and/or Blackberry users. Passions run high.

dead_iphoneBut I don’t care about these other people. I was left abandoned… alone for four whole days!! This personal hell contained endless chunks of time that I was detached from the world. Whether it was driving in my car, or walking down the street… minutes and minutes of zero communication! Or those other mad moments when I didn’t have access to information like maps, or game scores, or a clock… what the hell time is it????

What if I needed to take a photo or video? Possible precious moments missed… never to be repeated and shared with a breathlessly waiting world. And business… Everything ceased! It was a nightmare.

I went to a concert on Thursday night and I was unable to easily find my friends. I did, but it wasn’t easy. Elvis Costello played a song during his set, and I had no way to immediately determine which album it was on. I did, much later. And I found my way home without my Waze app.

But I was roughing it!!

Of course, these laments are made tongue firmly in cheek… nothing of consequence was missed. Two customers left me voicemails that were handled the following day. Certainly no one died or was injured. In reality being without a phone was a bit inconvenient, and also a bit liberating.

This geek does have an iPad to pick up some of the slack. But I did find myself absentmindedly reaching for that invisible phone a few times. And once or twice I picked up the dead phone and pushed some buttons… #resurrection?

IMG_3453After four gruesome days I got a nifty, brand spanking new iPhone 6, replacing my rotary-like iPhone 5. How did I survive so long with such outdated technology?  The nightmare was over. I was connected once again after a quick setup, restore from backup, and a new lock screen photo – Stay Classy!

It is delightful, sleek and sexy, just like me… opening that box felt like Christmas Day! And it’s way better than a Galaxy S-whatever, I am completely positive… how dare you say otherwise!

Learned lesson? Understanding suffering helps one appreciate the gifts you have, so I am thankful to those who helped me through this rough patch.

I’m back, world… if you’ll have me.

Incident Protocol for Your Town USA

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Something cray cray happened in Texas this weekend. Let the national incident protocol begin!

  • Event happens.
  • Fox News immediately begins panel discussion to determine if the incident was racially motivated. White panel members say “no”. Black panel members say “yes”.
  • Quick, aggrieved people! Get your snapshot videos up on YouTube!
  • Quick, accused people! Get your statements together and your stories ready!
  • Facebook and Twitter top brass in emergency meetings to come up with clever hashtags.
  • Civil rights leaders claiming victory for finally getting black panelists on Fox News.
  • Protest! Protest! Protest! Protest!
  • People on social media outraged by a version of the event that fits their long stated beliefs.
  • Aggrieved family hold first press conference. Family calls for peaceful protests. #SpokesUncle
  • Riot! Riot! Loot! Loot!
  • Flounder buys ten thousand marbles at Woolworth’s.
  • Raging Twitter discussion begins about how black guys say the N word all the time “but we can’t”.
  • News media art departments update “Crisis In (insert town name)!” graphics.
  • Anderson Cooper! Get your ass to (insert town name)! Report on what gets the most ratings!
  • Media cameras focus on that one guy brave enough to stand up to protesters.
  • Katy rescues Boone…

  • People on social media share appropriate righteous, “thank god it’s not happening in my neighborhood” indignation.
  • Reporters on the street in (insert town name) shocked that tear gas makes it really hard to breathe.
  • Housewives in every major city in the country complain on Facebook about television news coverage “fucking with my soaps!”
  • Church and community leaders call for resignation/prosecution of senator/congressman/mayor/city councilman/police commissioner, chief, captain, officer.
  • Al Sharpton and Rush Limbaugh report on exactly what is going on – via satellite.
  • News media interviews small business owner whose store was looted. Hopefully an immigrant… accents equal ratings!
  • People on social media immediately become experts on the constitution/medicine/law/police procedure.
  • Government officials state determination to find out exactly what happened. The truth is the most important thing. Justice will be served.
  • Church and community leaders call for calm and peace after checking for scratches on their Mercedes.
  • NoTyreseProtesters finally take well-deserved break to eat tasty treats rescued from local Pathmark.
  • News media sharing celebrity tweets expressing outrage/support for the people of (insert town name).
  • Professional athletes begin wearing t-shirts in support of (insert town name).
  • Outrage that no one from the White House attended funeral/memorial service/candlelight vigil. Republicans are incensed. Democrats… not so much.
  • Anderson Cooper sipping Evian on private jet back to palatial country estate.
  • Event is over. Media is gone.

The country has moved on to the next news cycle… Walter Cronkite stops spinning in grave. Good night, and good luck.

I assume that everyone understands this is meant to be a joke. What is serious are some of the real problems that we have in this world… Racism, media bias, out of whack priorities, and a general disrespect of our fellow man. Clearly, I’m taking some shots at news media. But journalists have a responsibility to provide the truth, and they don’t. We have a responsibility to expect the truth, and we don’t. 

I’m guilty of making rash decisions about situations – or incidents like I parody above – based on minimal evidence. Must work on that… Be better.

Brand Her Caitlyn

“I’m not doing it for money. I’m doing it to help my soul and help other people. If I can make a dollar, I certainly am not stupid. [I have] house payments and that kind of stuff. I will never make an excuse for something like that. Yeah, this is a business.” ~ Caitlyn Jenner in Vanity Fair

caitlyn-jenner-tweets-welcome-bruce-leadI’d love to be saying “bravo” to Caitlyn Jenner, but I can’t. Before the PC police attack me, please understand that I do believe that being transgender is real and not to be ridiculed. And the people who bring hate to this conversation are the lowest of the low. I firmly believe that if her transformation helps one person better deal with theirs, it’s a very good thing.

But it should be clear to everyone that yesterday’s coming out is more E! Network marketing of the next product of the Kardashian cash machine. The amount of money – hundreds of millions – being made with this initiative alone is obscene, and should not be applauded… unless there are plans for transgender support facilities across the nation. I doubt that very much.

Trinidad
Click to movie link…

I watched a tremendous documentary (Trinidad) last weekend about people undergoing gender reassignment surgery. It follows the process and lives of several people, including doctors, patients and their families. Needless to say, the transformation experience for Caitlyn Jenner has been a little different for the women in this film. All of them were concerned with the impact this decision has on their families, friends, careers – and how they can support each other. They lean on many for support, and witnessing that journey is revealing and life affirming.

None of them had media advisors, professional make-up and fashionistas, or a pre-op Annie Leibovitz photo shoot. It’s a stark contrast…

Bruce Jenner has been called “brave” to put himself out there, but he is extremely well compensated. And it’s clear from his time in the reality TV world that he does not care about public’s impression of him. But Caitlyn Jenner is a brand, launched simultaneously in Vanity Fair, on Twitter, and on this week’s Kardashian episodes. Her bravery diminishes with each check she deposits, with the Kardashians careening towards their goal of dumbing a generation of young Americans. Her biggest impact is taking a sensitive, complicated issue and creating a circus. The truly brave are the thousands of transgender people around the world… pushing forward, mostly alone.

The attention of the public will eventually move on the next big thing. And the collective strength of the transgender community will continue to support their own, and be worthy of our admiration.

The Summer of Words

This summer may be the busiest I have ever experienced. I’m at my desk looking at the calendar, contemplating how I’m going to do what I really want most… reading and writing.

writingThe craziness kicks off this week with a wedding that I AM OFFICIATING. The circumstances of how that came to be will be the subject of another post. But it is truly humbling to be asked, and I’ve spent most of the past week preparing for this great event.

After that I start a schedule of coaching soccer practices and games, Union soccer games, graduations and grad parties, birthdays, business trips, weekend shore trips, school reunions, bachelor parties… and five more weddings!! Oh, and work… both jobs!

At this point, you must be thinking, “Boo Frigging Hoo!” Please don’t misunderstand, I am not complaining. Clearly I am very fortunate to have a schedule full of fun and frivolity.

2015PWClogo2-300x196Last weekend I attended the Pennsylvania Writers Conference in Pittsburgh. It was a solid two days of education and inspiration about the craft and business of writing. My biggest takeaway was that I have to make a commitment to work at it. To write.

One of the conference speakers attempted to motivate us with this question… “Are you willing to say that you ALMOST wrote a book?”

I am not. So she succeeded in the motivation part.

I’ve been full of ideas this week… too many! So yesterday I cleared off the extremely cluttered desk at home, attempting to make a space for myself. I’m hoping that this physical organization leads to mental organization… we will see.

FullSizeRenderI’ve realized that the key is to understand and prioritize time, and commit. I am vowing to read more, to be inspired. Observe more, to see things differently. And share time with creative people, to be uplifted. I’m writing this blog post as a public promise to myself… hopefully those who read this will hold me to it.

Writing is no longer something I have to squeeze in between events. These things are my leisure, respite, and sometimes my inspiration.

After family, writing is life.

The Eye In Team

baseballWhen I was nine years old, I spent an entire summer visiting relatives in Colorado. It was there I first played in an organized sport… baseball, on a team sponsored by the Market Time Drug Store in Trinidad, CO. My memories are very vivid… the grey flannel uniform, maroon stirrup socks, and the green wooden dugouts on the fields. I also remember clearly that I was a terrible baseball player. I could throw and catch okay, but the bat was a useless piece of equipment in my small hands. I’m pretty sure that I did not hit the ball once that season – in practice or in games. But I do remember the experience fondly, and not just because of the cool uniform. Even though I was not a good player, the coaches encouraged me and always made me feel good about my place on the team.

The next summer I played at home, and the results weren’t much different. I was a little better – I actually swung the bat! I remember the last game of the season when I got my first hit… a single between short and third. My coach, Mr. Wallace, awarded me a game ball. I’m pretty sure each member of the team got a ball by the end of the season, but so what! It was the best day…

I kept playing, and thanks to some great coaches I ended up being a pretty solid ball player. Over six years, I was fortunate to play every position on the field at least once. I got to play in a couple all-star games, played travel baseball (not very prevalent in those days), and had one really fun championship season.

Club sports pretty much ended when you went high school, and I knew I wasn’t good enough to continue to my “career” at the next level. I vividly recall my last organized baseball game in July of 1974… a playoff loss at some far away field. It was a weird, sad feeling. Later, I played some organized sports in various leagues – foot and roller hockey, softball, etc. But those experiences lacked the structure, color and richness of my memories of youth baseball.

Fast forward twenty-five years or so, and I am watching my son’s first t-ball game. I was particularly proud seeing him in his t-shirt and cap, knowing that he could be beginning a great experience. I was right… for a few years he played baseball, basketball and soccer. I was so happy to pitch in and help out with coaching. I think I wanted to be involved because I recalled the positive experiences I had as a boy.

Ryan-Judge 001When my son was about nine years old, he decided that he only wanted to play soccer… and I jumped into it with both feet (PUN!). It was great for both of us, mostly because we learned and fell in love with the game at the same time. He played through high school, and even worked as a referee for a few years. All in all, mission accomplished. He had a very positive experience.

I’ve been a coach and administrator for youth sports for over twenty years now. I have been privileged to learn from, and coach with, some great people. I’ve met some fantastic kids and watched some of them reach some fantastic heights – high school state championships and college scholarships.

I always tried to remember how my coaches taught me. Though the sports may be different, the principles for succeeding are the same – teamwork, respect, and fair play. Lessons that seem to be lost on a lot of parents these days…

Perspective lacks with some people.  I’ve seen some crazy behavior from parents at practices and games. I have way too many stories of adults applying too much pressure on their kids, or berating their performances after games. And I’ve seen dozens of talented young athletes lose interest in playing because of overbearing parents.

There is a value for kids playing team sports that cannot be quantified. The simple act of working together to achieve a goal is invaluable experience to have later in life. Equally valuable are the lessons learned from not achieving that goal. Coaches – and parents – need to realize that the real goal is a positive, fun learning experience for the kids.

I coached one soccer team for eleven years – from U-9 to U-19. Over the years, that added up to fifty players, give or take. Between the teams we played frequently and the high school and tournament games, I estimate that I’ve known and/or observed over five hundred players in that time… maybe more. For some perspective, that group produced a handful of Division 1 college players, and one professional player.

But that same group contains a bunch of fantastic young men and women right now, whose future successes won’t be measured by the results of a game. It will be in a bank, or a hospital, or a police station, or… wherever. I wonder if they will realize that some part of that success can be credited to lessons learned years ago. As a kid playing on a team.

And I hope that one day, they will pass it along.

This post is dedicated to some of my coaches: Jim Wallace, Joe Hall, Frank Velucci, Jerry Dittmar, Bill Dolhansky, Mike McGuire, Joe Johns, and Harry Hampson. Many, many thanks!

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Coach Johns (Standing Left), Coach Hampson (Standing Right), Author (Seated, Second from Right)